|
|
Post by Abigail Williams on Jan 24, 2008 0:40:52 GMT -5
JANUARY 23...
It's my second day here, and I'm going crazy. I smoked my last cigarette last night and I don't know anyone to bum one off of. I can't believe my parents thought leaving me in this shit hole would solve all our problems? What about my mother? Her ass should be locked up in the loony bin, not me.
Oh god I want a smoke.
|
|
|
|
Post by Abigail Williams on Jan 24, 2008 18:16:47 GMT -5
an unfinished note
do you know what it’s like to be empty inside?
to have your heart deflate like a red balloon;
trying to decide whether you want to live or die.
it’s not like when you are stricken with the flu
and you’d much rather die than vomit again…
it’s deeper and darker than just being blue.
it’s being alone in the dark with a gun in the den
contemplating whether to stick it to your temple
or inside your mouth, either way you hope you win.
|
|
|
|
Post by Abigail Williams on Jan 29, 2008 0:14:53 GMT -5
The darkness I run from,
it scares my very soul,
confined to a corner-
I’m frightened to leave this world.
The light encircles everyone,
but for me it fades away,
creates a bitter emptiness-
I will never escape.
I have no faith in the light
I'm so tired all the time. This place smells like sweat and stale urine. Just got a new roommate, haven't talked to her yet. I think she starves herself....probably because mommy doesn't love her enough. It's day five and no word from my family. Probably too busy repairing their perfect image. God, I wish Ashley was here. She would be bitching right along side me. I miss her so much. I still don't know why she's gone and I'm here. I might never know.
|
|
|
|
Post by Abigail Williams on Feb 2, 2008 1:41:13 GMT -5
Last night I dreamed that I was standing on an ocean shore and I saw a huge wave coming toward me. I tried everything I could to escape but the more I struggled the deeper I sank into the sand. Suddenly, the wave crashed on me and I began to drown. I thrashed my arms around trying to swim to the surface but I could not free my feet. Finally, with the realization that I was drowning, I closed my eyes and started to give in. Just when I thought I was gone, I felt a force pull on me and shoot me up to the surface. Then I woke up. I guess I should as the doctor about what it could mean. I got a letter from my father today. He sent five dollars. I feel bad that I have hurt him so much. I miss him. I miss how we used to be so close...I don't know if we can ever find that again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Abigail Williams on Feb 4, 2008 1:50:06 GMT -5
Um, nothing exciting to write about. Wrote a letter back to my dad thanking him for the money. Didn't mention about mom. She hasn't called or even wrote me since I've been here. I am sure it is a relief to have her pyschotic daughter locked up and away from tainting her image any further.
I cut myself today. I found a safety pin on the floor in the common room. Don't know where it came from. I did it on the inside of my leg so it wasn't very noticeable. It felt so good feeling the pin dragging across my flesh, stinging, and bleeding. I felt like myself again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Abigail Williams on Feb 6, 2008 15:15:06 GMT -5
So I got in trouble for missing two days of writting. But what the hell do they expect me to write in here? Hmm lets see. Woke up, showered, went to group, sat in the common room, ate lunch, went to another group, ate dinner, than sat around for the rest of the evening before lights out. So freaking exciting I know, right?
|
|
|
|
Post by Abigail Williams on Feb 15, 2008 12:18:09 GMT -5
So I have been restricted to my room for the next three days becasue I haven't been following through on any of my requirements, especially writing in this stupid thing. So what the hell do you all want me to say? That I pray everyday that I will die so I don't have to live with the ghost of my sister following me everywhere in my life? Or how about how much I hate my mother. That any love that I once felt for her is now completly non-existant and I wouldn't think twice if I never spoke to her again. Or how about the fact I actually miss my father and wish that he would come visit me. I guess I could send a note to him asking him to come, but then again I can only imagine the lies my mother has told the neighborhood and the church members about my abscence and my dad leaving would only raise more questions. So is this what you want to hear? Huh, happy now!
|
|
